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Today I was interested in Amal Alamuddin and George Clooney. The reason behind this is that I dated a law student for two and a half years. And I’m still a bit shocked even though I knew a lot about hell already. So George, here’s my advice: watch out, she’s an amazing woman, but she will destroy you if you let her down.
Of course, then I had to think of other stars and successful people like Gisele Bundchen. And that’s how I chose the title of this post: Gisele’s memoir. Many people don’t have time writing their memoirs before dying. That’s what happened to my grandmother, and I must say I felt a bit intrigued.
Now I’m writing as if the life I lived will soon be over. And I must say there are so many lessons to think about when you’re 38 years old.
Lesson #1: Fool If You Think It’s Over.
Revenge will surely come. In other words, mutually assured destruction (MAD). You will feel like a newborn so many times during life that at some point, you will have to think about what you’re hiding.
I will try to summarise what I’m hiding this way: the savior of humanity almost failed his A-Levels. But it seems the teachers gave me the most annoying grade possible. It’s a grade that would force me to go to schools that aren’t that strong and will put me in a position to fail.
What they didn’t know is that you can learn all your life. That kind of person always freaks out about their children and their future. They don’t realize that children know life is hard, and no one can guarantee success. Failure is easy, though: when you start bitching every day, it’s the beginning of the end.
The importance of rivalry and vengeance will dominate your life, even unconsciously. But lesson #2 is much more demanding.
Lesson #2: Go Out Of Your Home Everyday.
I know many people like to stay at home and dream on their couch of a mysterious gift of the universe because seven years ago they did or said something nice. But the real gift of life is exactly that: presence. Thinking about the past makes you angry, and the future is uncertain and full of anxiety.
When you go out of your home every day, this is a friendly reminder that the world is full of opportunities and surprises. And you will be rewarded by reminding everybody you’re someone that counts.
With time fluctuations of the system, the microphone and the stage can give you so many heartaches. But going out every day (during the day or the night) can make you feel relax because it’s elementary: you close your eyes and you’re dead.
Lesson #2 was about being present and exploring the world, even if it’s a small one. And here comes lesson #3 that will make you work hard.
Lesson #3: Never Ever Forget To Criticise.
Yes I hear you: you said “stop bitchin'” and now you’re saying “criticize. What I mean by criticizing is you should try to find the beauty in something. For some people it’s effortless: everything is shit, and only they know something.
Do you think I like going out every day in a coffee shop and write on the internet? Think again. I would prefer going skiing or sunbathing near a pool. But I do think coffee shops are an excellent way for a civilization to gauge their humanity. Maybe music and coffee shops are the only way to be human.
When I listen to music, I always make an effort because sometimes the artist can make or break a song with a small passage. Here we arrive at lesson #4: tolerance.
Lesson #4: Tolerance Is A Sign Of Good Health.
I once read a book about health: it seems you can become intolerant to effort or exercise. The reason seems to be too much pressure, but I remember the days when I was tolerant: we took beautiful pictures.
For example, one day, two friends caged me in a car boot: I took a picture of them while I was helpless, and they had a beautiful smile on their faces. Another example is holding on to my job while the war was raging in Lebanon. Even though they still don’t want to pay me for my good deeds, I was proud because someone high above recognized the effort.
Here you have it: a few of the life lessons that a 38-year-old is entitled to give. I guess there are more to come in the future!
Lesson #5: Healing Adolescence Wounds Takes Time.
We are teenage dirtbags sometimes. They are everywhere, and your heart will hurt. Of course, remember you can reach nirvana tonight, and that will make your day a little better.
Some mentioned that adolescent wounds couldn’t heal. That’s because they are clearly and overwhelmingly allusive, and they are encrypted. If you have the decoder, then everything is fine. Most of the time, it will be related to the death of a loved one while your best friend thinks about stopping seeing you.
Adolescence is the age of friends and limits. Be the friend you’re looking for. And remember there’s a limit. Our universe isn’t infinite. It’s massive, and when you crunch the numbers, you’re talking about at least billions.
You should take into account the singularity of everybody. It’s the point where something becomes infinite like love or stupidity.
Adolescence wounds are the deepest because they’re encrypted. If you feel it takes too much time, then make sure to remain busy with a career or a computer game or a life partner.
At last I found what I was dreaming of
So bad I want to tell the whole world
But I won't say no more I won't make it harder on you girls
At last the love that I was dreaming of is mine
Been walking on air for the last 92 hours
But I won't make it harder on you girls
Been groping my way along the darkest of dungeons
Until I found out there were switches all around
At last!
At last I found what I was dreaming of
Someone who truly understands me
A man I can trus, trust with my dust, oh
At last it's more than I could ever expect
I can't believe it's real
Now my life has a goal, a good happy home
Made up my mind now it's time settle down
But don't hold this against me I gotta run now
At last!
Oh, girls I found what you're still craving for
If you accept a piece of my advice
It's nothing but luck and I happened to be struck, oh
Oh, girls oh please don't be so childish
Don't want my joy to make you sick
Thought I could share the fun but I guess I was wrong
Gave up my heart and my soul and my pride
And my job and my creeds and the ones that I love
Gave up my all to a man I just met
But there's no time to waste cause it's almost too late
At last!
At last!
At last!
